I went to the first store 2 of three items I needed weren’t in stock, in fact the store was in disarray and the shelves half empty. Second store, the most important item out of stock. Plus the soda I wanted the cooler was broken. I went to the gas station to get the soda after going to a third store to get the most important item. What do you know the soda is out of stock.

Anger Sets In

At this point I am furious. All I wanted to do was to punch walls. If someone was to stare at me cross eyed I would of jumped across the table. What I was feeling was uncontrollable anger. It could of been a side effect from a previous mood. Anxiety could be the cause. I wasn’t quite sure why I was angry, it typically isn’t usually me. When I do get angry, I handle it very mild-manneredly

What is anger?

“Anger is one of the basic human emotions, as elemental as happiness, sadness, anxiety, and disgust. These emotions are tied to basic survival and were honed over the long course of human history. Anger is related to the “fight, flight, or freeze” response of the sympathetic nervous system; it prepares humans to fight.” – Psychology Today

“Anger can be constructive or destructive. When well managed, anger or annoyance has very few detrimental health or interpersonal consequences. At its roots, anger is a signal to you that something in your environment isn’t right. It captures your attention and motivates you to take action to correct that wrong thing. How you end up handling the anger signal has very important consequences for your overall health and welfare, however. When you express anger, your actions trigger others to become defensive and angry too. Blood pressures raises and stress hormones flow. Violence can ensue. You may develop a reputation as a dangerous ‘loose cannon’ whom no one wants to be around.” – Mental Help

My Spin On Things

Anger can be good or bad. When your life is in danger, occasionally, anger is the correct response. It all depends on how we direct and utilize our anger. In my instance I was out of the situation. Anger was an okay response to have. it’s normal. But maybe on a lower level, like irritation.

How Do We Control Anger?

Now I typically handle anger better than most. I handle it with two main methods. Do onto others as you would do onto yourself. I don’t think you would want a madman wailing on you from across the table. When all you were doing was looking at the cute dog out the window. Secondly I try and identify possible solutions. While I may not be the best problem solver, I can get my mind turning. Sometimes it will also calm others in my situation as well.

Well To Sum It Up

Ultimately how you handle your anger is on you. Just know that there are always repercussions, positive and negative. For our positive and negative responses.

Journal Entry 11/5/2019

The Struggle Is Real

I’m struggling immensely lately. Excessively bad aren’t words I would use to describe what I’m going through. Neither is the word okay. I feel like one would feel on the somnolent dismal and melancholy mornings they have closed a close loved one. No I haven’t lost a close loved one. My chest however, is heavy like I have. Sometimes I’m just not in touch enough with my emotions to know where my feelings are coming from.

Ever since my mental illness stepped into my life, my abilities to understand what my emotions are telling me have diminished. When will my abilities come back? I want to be able to know exactly what is going on. Yes I have some things going on. Though, they shouldn’t be causing these feelings I have.

No Sleep

I haven’t gotten any sleep. Tossing and turning all night, I did toss and turn about things that were on my mind. Are these the things that are giving me a heavy feeling to my body? Am I just minimizing the effects of my anxieties on my body?

I have come a long way on my mental health journey. A life long battle is an understanding I have that it will be. But am I losing that battle? I feel like I constantly struggle with no improvement. Working on self improvement is something I constantly do in therapy. It was the whole reason I started this blog.

Welcome To My Own Worst Critic

Welcome, My name is Justin and I have Mental Illness. Addiction also runs through my veins. I am glad to say I have been clean several years. This blog was meant to be more about me than about you. I will post journal entries here, but I will also post advice and often entire posts about mental health though. We are often toughest on ourselves, and I do not lack innocence. For I am in fact My Own Worst Critic.

I put on a façade for everyone, that says I was better then I was, and superior to them. In reality I was inferior to the most unfavorable. When you do things that don’t align with your beliefs, they become a habit, and that fixation or impulse is exhausting and troublesome to breach. When I evaluated, revaluated, and revaluated myself over, over time, I improved on my contravening actions and poor portrayal of how a human should act.” – Justin